I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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