I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
