Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The beer is more important than you right now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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