I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
