so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
