I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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