I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
