I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
