she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
