i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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