There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
