So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
