i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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