the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i drank out of a bidet.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
