honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
