the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
