I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
