How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize