I am in a vortex of obligation.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
