I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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