genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
