You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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