So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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