haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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