i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
