You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
