Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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