I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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