Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
