Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
