so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
