Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize