i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
