its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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