Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize