I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
