Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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