Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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