I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
