You work out of a Hotel?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
