I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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