Having a random hookup so left but love u
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
