Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
