what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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