So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
