Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
