Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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