Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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