I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
