for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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