Porn is love you can see.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
