So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
