So gin and wine won't be happening again
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
