I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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