apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
