This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
