Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
