let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
