i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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