Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
