Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I forget how to act sober
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
