Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
