she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
