This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
