If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
