This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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