Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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