His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
