I think im going to throw up on grandma
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize