you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
